Clout Goggles

“This weekend I drop the flyest sibling to exist off at college!!! Everybody wish Logan gl!!!”

During my sister’s time at college, she curated a collection of tiny glasses. She would ask a friend to try a pair on, snap a picture, and then add it to her Snapchat story. At first, tapping through ten or even twenty bizarre portraits of people I didn’t know was a wild fever dream of an experience. Still, after a while, it grew on me. It was fun to see how she was doing, and it was a very “Olivia” thing to do. Before we said our goodbyes on move-in day, I asked her for my own pair (and by asked, I mean I bribed her with falafel from Mamoun’s and not so subtly hinted at the blue shades I wanted,) to continue the legacy.

But of course, I had to rebrand them. These weren’t tiny glasses; these were clout goggles. I set out to get at least 50 pictures of other people wearing them, with every 25th person or so being an important milestone. Who could I get to “strike their most powerful pose” while wearing the clout goggles? My FroCo? A Head of College? A Dean? President Salovey? Handsome Dan? 

No. 1 - Jordan, my Cultural Connections sister, and the very first Yalie (besides myself) to don the clout goggles! I couldn’t tell if the stare meant that she really was striking her most powerful pose, or that she was already done with my antics.

No. 7 - This is Dennis! Dennis is very excited to be wearing the clout goggles! You can tell that he is very excited because the exciting descriptions describing this excitable young man all end in exclamation points! Wow!

No. 8 - This is Sophie. Sophie means business. You can tell she means business because she is striking a powerful, business-like pose, as one does. Clout level: executive.

No. 11 - Ihea! Ice on his wrist? Check. Color coordination? You bet. Clout? Acquired.

No. 23 - Maraya, my FroCo! 

No. 31 - Zev, a pensive Yale student, 2018 (colorized.)

No. 42 - Here’s Kinsale, fellow TDer and WORD member, flexing on us for no reason other than she can. In Hitchiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, 42 is the answer to the universe. She was the 42nd person to take a picture in the clout goggles. Coincidence? I think not. Clout level? Astronomical!

No. 45 - Cleo and Clayton! Name a more iconic duo. I won’t wait for you to try, because you can’t. It’s impossible.

No. 49 - Athena! As Percy Jackson and the Olympians taught me, and as her name would suggest, she is the goddess of wisdom, warfare, and most importantly, clout.

No. 51 - TD’s own Head of College Lui! We didn’t think she’d agree to wear them, but she did, once again demonstrating that Timothy Dwight is objectively the best (and most clouted up) residential college.

Yours truly, eating more than I know is good for me at brunch!