You Shouldn’t Come to Yale If…

CONGRATULATIONS ADMITTED STUDENTS!!! I hope you enjoyed watching the video of the adult man screaming “BULLDOG BULLDOG BOWOWOW!” in your high school library while you shook and sweated profusely. I am sure that this experience is universal and not just something that happened to me. Obviously, it would be wonderful to see your shining hopeful face on campus next fall. But in case you have doubts, I have compiled the following list of things that might keep you from becoming a 2023 Bulldog.

You shouldn’t come to Yale if…

1. You hate Gothic architecture with the passion of a thousand suns.

Look, there’s a lot of Gothic architecture around. Honestly, it’s kind of hard to avoid. If you’re the kind of person who projectile vomits every time you see a turret, you should certainly attend a different university.

2. You really thrive on constant academic competition and love it when aggressive people tear each other down.

Collaboration and group work are pretty much standard practice at Yale. Students tend help each other out with studying and problem sets. So if you prefer sabotage and cruelty, this might not be the place for you.

3. You are a Division 1 varsity wrestler.

Yeah, we don’t have that.

4. You hate trying new things and challenging yourself. 

Distribution requirements, baby. Read my blog on why these are a definite positive here.

5. It’s very important to you to have a Chuck E. Cheese’s within walking distance.

The closest Chuck E. Cheese’s is an hour and forty-one minutes away by foot. Maybe this a deal breaker? I don’t know, but I felt I should be clear. 

6. You are anti-lawn. 

With the combination of the nearby New Haven Green and the fact that every residential college has at least one verdant courtyard, you should probably stay away if you hate lounging upon nice grass.

7. You are a better blogger than me. 

Please take your talents elsewhere.