Above is one of my favorite quotes from the HBO series Girls, in which the protagonist Hannah once again defends her seemingly ceaseless pursuit of self-discovery. Although those who are familiar with the show might roll their eyes at treating anything Hannah says with seriousness, I choose to introduce this blog post with such a quote because it unfortunately resonates with me very much. Further than that, I think it speaks to how my daily schedule at Yale has looked over the past three years: hit the library, roll a dining hall, then get busy trying to become who I am.
This is what college is all about—figuring out who you are, learning what you love to do, and trying not to get too lost in the process. I know Yale is not special in this regard. For the most part, anyone in their early 20s is attempting to find their bearings in a world-so-crazy and answer the age-old, terror-inducing question, “Who am I!!?” However, I think there is a culture at Yale especially that allows for people to explore this question without fear of failure. On an administrative level, options like the ability to Credit/D/Fail up to 6 classes allows for the exploration of intimidating or foreign topics without worrying about how it will impact your GPA. Beyond that though, the student body (or at least my friends), I think, are extremely respectful of all pursuits one does, as long as one puts their whole heart into it.
Like Hannah, Yale students really prioritize the act of self-exploration and treat it with utmost importance. When many students start a project, they will follow-through to the end, that way they can accurately see if the project was right for them. Even if a project doesn’t succeed at first (maybe your new startup didn’t gain momentum, or you’re not as good of a dancer as you had hoped…), the fact that you tried is all that matters.
It was this sort of shared mentality that led me to try something new for me during my junior year. Having always wanted to make projects like those of Adam Sandler, Lena Dunham, or others who direct and star in their own work, I finally tried writing, directing, and starring in a short film for myself! That way I could see if not only was it something I was capable of, but if it was something I even enjoyed doing. And let me tell you—it did not go as planned (it was so, so, so much harder than I had anticipated). But even though it didn’t go exactly as planned, I never felt for a second that it was a waste of time. And I think that is in great part because of the common understanding that as long as you are doing what you are passionate about, you are doing the right thing.
A silly screen-grab from my short film
Now, I won’t lie to you, there is definitely an implied hierarchy between activities at Yale. Those activities that are career-oriented (or, frankly, oriented towards making money) are often seen as more worthy than others. Yale is an old institution, as are its capitalist leanings. That acknowledged, the majority of people (in my opinion) still value exploration, pursuing the arts, passion projects, and extracurriculars unrelated to one’s intended career. It’s a difficult balance at Yale, and I can’t say for certain how every student would feel about this topic.
Regardless, I appreciate that at Yale, as a hotspot for new ideas and differences of opinion, you are able to find out for yourself what you value and what you want to prioritize. Now, I must stop writing… I have a dinner thing and then I am busy trying to become who I am.
